longing

The following words are a collection of thoughts that came pouring out of my heart a couple of months ago, as the decision to move to Colorado full time was moving into reality....

So often the desires and longings that reside within us are misunderstood, abused and destroyed. We have been created in the image of God with great intention. So in struggle, do we seek to know the heart of God? Do we want to look past the initial face of our experience to know more intimately the passion of our God? Most of the time the answer is no. We ignore. We gratify. We indulge. We allow misdirected desire to lead us down paths of guilt and shame. But as I journey and am forced to deal with this aspect of my intentional creation, I am forced to believe there must be something more.

We, as humans, have been intentionally created to long for satisfaction. For connection. For intimacy. And so many times we stop at that point. It’s gratifying and meets the immediate perceived need. There is a basic human need for love.  We look to the Creation story and see that relationship is demanded. We will feel incomplete without it at some level.

Currently, I find myself in a place of longing. There is a simple desire for relationship - community. To be pursued and known by those I trust and know. Friendships have emerged with an unexplainable heart connection and it’s undeniable that it’s Kingdom connection. But limited time creates unfulfilled longing. There is always the potential for unhealthy expectation and dependency, but I do believe that God intended us to long for relationship. Community has been crafted into our DNA. We may be fearful and cautious, but the desire to know and be known tells us that it’s worth the risk. We experience delight and disappointment in the humanness of this world. What I am seeing is that even with all the time I desire and all the pursuit I can handle, satisfaction will never be achieved. There will never be the moment of complete contentment.

So now what? Do I simply sit and wait? Not this time. I’m asking and searching. And in searching, I am encountering a God that groans for His creation. Yearning for His people to receive Him. To be captured by Him. To risk it all, lay before him, uncovered and raw, and allow Him to respond. The God I have encountered is unexpected. A Gentleman. A Lover. The Pursuer of my heart – the entirety of my heart. He delights over me. Dances over me. Dreams over me. Sees me fully. Knows me fully. And loves me completely.

Over the past years, there has been an unfolding and evolving display of my posture towards God and His response to me…

It began with a girl kneeling, arms hanging to her sides, and head hung in shame. And there was a man standing before her with a deep look of compassion on His face. The man extended His hands to the girl and in His eyes was communicating a longing to redeem. The girl, after a time, reaches her hands up – first in desperation, then in surrender. The man steps forward and so gently cups his hands beneath her chin, whispers “child,” and slowly lifts her face towards His own. As her head is being lifted, an internal battle rages. “Can I trust Him? Do I dare meet my eyes with His? What if He sees?” She cautiously decides she has no other option. As her eyes lift to meet this man, she breaks. In his eyes, she sees herself – every part of it. He sees her. And there is no judgment. No accusation. Only love. After a time, He raises her to her feet and she dances and rejoices in worship. It can be her only response. And now. Now He reaches out, takes her in His arms, and holds her. And she presses in. She hears the life of His heart beating and rests in that place, staying as close as possible. She wants to know Him.

And it is not over. Their relationship will continue to evolve and flow. But the Truth of this relationship is that the Man will only call the girl deeper - to greater intimacy. He will continue to know her and receive her. And the most beautiful part of their relationship will be His offering for her to know Him. To enter into His dwelling place and know levels of intimacy and trust that she is unable to comprehend. He will invite her to abide with Him. And it is only in this place, that she will find complete satisfaction.