So how did I end up here? As I drove away from Atlanta in May, the 'plan' was to work for Kingdom Building Ministries (KBM) for the summer and return to Atlanta for a few weeks as I figured out a move to Charlottesville, VA. I didn't believe that I would end up in Colorado long term. However, with the way my life has unfolded over this year, it wasn't terribly surprising when I made a commitment to remain in Colorado, continuing on with KBM.
When I came to Colorado, my heart was very open and seeking out the next steps God has ordained for my life. The first month was filled with conversations, prayer, tears, listening, hearing, releasing and more seeking. As I reflect on this summer, there were very specific moments that led to the decision - moments of realizing deep connection with KBM, releasing something that I had spoken aloud that I would not do at this stage in my life, 'random' conversations and questions by people I trust. All of these led to a very specific moment, while in the Dominican Republic, hearing the Spirit say, "Rachel, I am calling you to KBM." The couple of months that followed that moment were filled with more conversations and prayer until both KBM and I were on the same page, deciding to move forward immediately following the summer.
There is joy, hope, fear, uncertainty, pain in releasing a different dream, and the steady voice of God asking, "Rachel, do you believe that this is where I have called you to be?" The answer continues to be "yes" and is honestly what is helping me from breaking down at points.
The past few weeks have included a drive to Atlanta and back to get my belongings. My sister, Melissa, and Suzanne joined me for various pieces of that journey. Without them I would be curled up in a ball somewhere on the side of road - probably in Kansas. Suzanne came to Colorado, helped me unpack, dealt with my insanity and final shutdown from exhaustion. A last minute decision took us to Winter Park, CO for a couple of days. There I finally found rest and a little adventure as we made our way back to Denver through the Rocky Mountain National Park on Trail Ridge Road. We returned yesterday and Suzanne flew back to Atlanta this morning.
Today I visited my first church. A deep longing for community arose. It's a longing that demands a little pain and a few tears. There was the realization that I am making this move alone. Along with feeling alone, there is comfort in knowing that the family at KBM is more than I could ask for. Tomorrow is my first day of work. Even though I've been in and out of the office all summer, there are still butterflies and a little fear. These longings and fears will have to sit and wait on a little time to pass.
If this year has taught me anything to this point, it has been that walking in faith isn't a pretty journey. It's not glamorous or steady. My personal mentality to this point has been that I'm stepping out into the unknown, hoping and believing that I am going the places God wants me. Most of the time it's a little )or a lot) illogical and there is only information enough to know the next step, maybe two. But as I look back again, I see nothing less than God providing and affirming time and time again. His provision doesn't make sense and as I look to needs that lay ahead, I hear, almost continually now (as I freak out), "Rachel, do you trust me? Do you believe that I have called you here? Have I met your needs to this point?" My response can be only that of open hands and feet that continue to move forward.
Let the next adventure begin!
