Content - the word a dear friend used to describe me after hearing an out pour of information. I had just finished sharing with her a possibly life changing decision and asked if I sounded crazy (that question has been asked numerous times since that conversation). Her response was something along the lines of, “Rachel, I can’t remember that last time you sounded so…content.” Wow. And the truth of that statement rings loudly within my soul.
The past few months have been filled with many unknowns, many last minute decisions, many go-with-the-flow moments. This is a season of standing with my hands wide open and lifted high, embracing whatever God chooses to place before me. Well that’s the desired posture. And with each intentional step of faith, it becomes easier to rest in the unknown and anticipate what will come. Please don’t share this information with just anyone, but I am beginning to enjoy simply living in the moment. I know – crazy.
During another conversation, with another dear friend, I was able to share that, for the first time in awhile, I feel fully alive in what I am doing. There have been so many moments of “This is what I was created for.” What did some of those moments look like? Probably not what you would think…'
- - I cooked breakfast with our host in Haiti at 5am and heard more about her journey and saw the life of a woman surrendered to God’s call on her and her family’s life.
- - Many late nights were spent in hotel rooms and hotel stairways digging deeper. Much laughter, many tears and life changing occurred.
- - The conversations of broken Spanish shared over coffee with a Dominican woman, Mari Claire, in the village of Majaguita, after playing with her daughter for a couple of days, have left a deep imprint on my heart.
- - Images of the poverty and deep brokenness in Haiti grip my soul and will not easily be released.
- - My encounters with UrbanEx in Chicago have forever changed the way my eyes filter the people I encounter. My heart ripped through a barrier and screams to see and love.
- - Working with a team, operating in unity, to take care of all the tasks it takes to pull off a week long camp at a college campus – I was in my element being able to stay in the background and see the missed elements and enter in.
These are the moments I treasure. These are some of the moments that have marked my heart.
These times were not supposed to happen. My plans took me to an entirely different location to an entirely different life. This is where God has called me. For these moments and interactions. By the intense pursuit of God’s grace, my heart is finally (and for this moment) surrendered to the heart of Christ.
My future is still in the process of unfolding. God continues to affirm some things and negate others. It will be a journey of faith. A journey of stepping into the unknown. As long as it lands me in the center of God’s heart for my life, then that is what I will surrender to. I wish there was a different, perhaps deeper way of expressing that. It is in this place, that my soul finds its place of being content. The place of resting in whatever may come next. It’s the feeling of deeply inhaling and exhaling and completing your breath with a deep smile.
